Some Things we should Absolutely NOT Say
Hi there girls and boys,
I recently asked my followers on instagram a question that I really wanted answers to. I wanted to know the most common answers to this question. I wanted to know how people feel about certain things and how, as an influencer, I can shed light on this.
The question I asked on my instagram stories was:
“What are some things that people say that make you feel bad? Sometimes, people say them out of good intention but it’s also not their business and it does nothing but hurt?”
Here are some of the responses. I would really like you to read them:
“My pimples. They all say, why can’t you get rid of them? Even though they know that they are out of my control.”
“People often tell me that only if my complexion wasn’t so dark, I would be so beautiful!”
“When are you getting married? Why aren’t you married yet?”
“I feel bad when people tell me I’m too skinny”
“Body shaming in front of everyone and saying, hum tau tumhari bhalayi kay liyay kehtay hain.”
“You cannot look beautiful if you are chubby”
“Comments on my skin”
“Allah tumhay aulaad day!”
“A nurse commenting on my weight RIGHT after I gave birth”
“Sab doston kay rishtay ho gaye hain, tumhara kyun nai hua abhi tuk?
“I have acne issues and people ask me, haw ye kya hua face ko?
“Don’t fall for the person with the same gender as yours”
“Kuch kha liya karo! Hawa say urr jao gi”
“You cook? Then why did you get education. Just become a house wife?” LOL WTF?
“You look older than your older sister”
“Every time I’me feeling great and someone comments that I’m fat”
“Why do you look so dead and tired today?”
“Stop wasting your degree by sitting at home!”
“That I should lose weight. It’s really not in my control if I have hypothyroidism.”
“Lost weight or no one will marry you!”
“When I write poetry, and people mock me!”
“Koi khushkhabri ab tuk?”
When people start providing totkay for gora rang
When people make comparisons to siblings
“Tumhay ye bhi nahi karna ata?”
“ Why do you use so much make up?”
“She isn’t doing a great job with her kids and home because of her PHD”
Suggestions for weight loss
“Been too long you’re married. Babies when?”
“You can’t do this. This is not for you.”
“Bechari ki teen betyan ho gayii..”
“People who don’t have children, telling me how to raise mine.”
“Artist?/Singer?/Model?/Actor?/Blogger? How about a real job?”
“Itna chup kyun rehti ho? Bola karo. Baatain kya karo!”
“Haye! Ye aaap ka chotta baby bohot kamzoor hay! Theek say khilati pilati nai ho?”
“Work is not for women. You should just look after your home, husband and kids.”
“Dhoop main kaalay ho gaye ho”
“Why are you so girly?”
“Why are you so manly?”
“You look great in pictures only.”
“Why are you so weird?”
“Tumhari awaz bohot motti hay.”
“Why aren’t you working yet?”
“Judging me by my past when I’m not who I was anymore”
“When people think my anxiety is a drama”
“When people think my depression is for attention seeking purposes.”
“You’re too flat.”
“I have a prominent breast size. They call me slutty if I wear clothes that fit.”
“You moved on too quickly. Slutty thing to do.”
“You should do something about your acne.”
“Don’t wear jeans with your big thighs.”
“Even though I love wearing hijab, everyone around me is so discouraging that I’ve turned into a molvi.'“
“when people tell me not to pursue visual arts as a career. It breaks my confidence </3”
“Why are your teeth so crooked?”
“She got over her husbands death too quickly. She didn’t love him.”
“your husband has become joru ka ghulam”
“Her fiance is better looking than her”
“You should take your hijab off if you want to wear jeans”
“You’re going bald!”
“Why do you have white hair?”
“You are too overly sensitive”
AND SO MANY MORE. I had above 1000 responses and they were all repeating themselves. Everybody had the same problems, and very similar feelings towards similar things. It’s sad how when we use our words to make someone feel bad, they tend to do the same out of bitterness and insecurity and it turns into a viscious cycle.
Not surprisingly, most of the answers were overstepping boundaries. Not surpringly, most of these were either related to:
Very personal choices that were no ones business
Personality traits/nature that are out of ones control
I have always believed in the power that words hold (obviously! which is why I used them on here). They have so much more energy, impact and power that we would be ridiculous to use them as carelessly as we do - but WE DO.
The responses I got made me sad. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, we don’t think twice before commenting on things that are beyond anyone’s control, that are God given, that are none of our business, that are personal choices, that shouldn’t affect us.
Use your words responsibly. Stay quiet if you can’t think of a nice thing to say. Your words can make or break someone and turn someones day entirely upside down.
Here’s how we can be careful about the vibes we give off, and how we can make people feel just by being responsible with our words. So next time when you’re about to say something..think:
Is this going to hurt feelings?
Is it going to pass on a negative vibe?
Is it discouraging?
Is it demotivating?
Can this be worded in a polite manner? No. Then drop it.
Is it too personal?
Is it any of my business?
Can this person change (what Im going to point out), in the next 15 seconds? or is out of their control and will do nothing but hurt?
Is this something between them and their family/spouse so I should stay out of it?
Is this between them and God?
Am I anyone to judge?
Am I anyone to comment on this?
Have I ever been in their position to be able pass advice/suggestions?
Does this sound like unnecessary advice?
If you can answer these questions for yourself, you can really really make a change in how people see you and HOW MUCH of a difference you can make. I’m not even asking us to say something else, I’m asking us to just not say offensive things. And if you really do want to say something, then say things that are motivating, that are helpful, that are encouraging, that are filled with love, positive vibes and happy thoughts. It’s really not that hard once you start putting an effort into it. A lot of times we don’t realize it - I don’t realize it. But we should and the only way to do that is to practice it consciously and be self-aware. Slowly, it becomes a natural habit to control yourself and start seeing the good things.
Some of us may not realize why this is a big deal. It’s a big deal because these things really add to insecurities and affect self-esteem which can really damage someone’s personality and make them behave awfully towards others as well. Things you don’t find offensive may very well be very mean for somebody else because we’re all different. Most of the time people treat people badly, when they are treated badly. Like I said, it turns into a vicious cycle that you and I have to try to make sure that it ends with us and does not circulate any further. It’s important to take this upon ourselves, and step up for people with insecurities and self esteem issues. It’s important that before we point fingers, we work on ourselves. It’s important that we start with ourselves - Let’s start with ourselves.
Love and positive vibes only